The Twelve Days of Twilight
by FullmetalVampire123
Summary: The Twelve Days of Christmas, Twilight style! OOC. Breaking Dawn spoilers. REVIEW PLEASE! T for language. Oneshot.


**YAY! Christmas special! Hope you enjoy it! X3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the Twelve Days of Christmas.**

**On the first day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
A werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!_

**On the second day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: I know what you did next summer!_

**And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: Guys, this isn't funny!_

_Rosalie: Oh, I disagree! :D_

**On the third day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Three dead bears,**

_Esme: Emmett! Get those… things out of my house!_

_Emmett: Sorry!_

**Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: You will die a horrible death!_

**And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: I think I'm slipping!_

**On the fourth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Four vampire hybirds,**

_Bella: Is one not enough!?_

_Reneesme: YOU DON'T LOVE ME! *cries*_

**  
Three dead bears,**

_Esme: I swear to god, Emmett…_

_Emmett: I'm going, I'm going!_

**  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: OMG! I LOVE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING TOMORROW BELLA!_

_Bella: I bet it's going to be forced onto me, too!_

**  
And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: You may be my family, but I hate you all. Burn in hell. OW! QUIT THROWING ROCKS!_

**On the fifth day of Christmas,**_  
_**My true love gave to me…**

**Five engagement rings!**

_Bella: MAKE IT STOOOOOOP!_

**  
Four vampire hybrids,**

_Reneesme: So that's how cloning works…_

**  
Three dead bears,**

_Esme: My patience is thinning… _

**  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: Guess who wins the war on terror!_

**  
And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: Seth! HEY SETH! Yeah, you! Get me down fro- OOF! DUDE! WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU!? QUIT THROWING DAMN ROCKS!_

**On the sixth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Six southern emos,**

_Jasper: I'm depressed y'all._

**  
Five engagement rings!**

_Bella: THE BUURRRRRN!_

**  
Four vampire hybrids,**

_Reneesme: OMG! Jake! They put you in a tree!_

_Jacob: YES!_

_Reneesme: *throws rock*_

_Jacob: OW! WHAT THE HELL!?_

**  
Three dead bears,**

_Esme: I have just discovered bear blood does not come out of the carpet. All of your credit cards have been cancelled, Emmett._

_Emmett: WHAT!?_

**  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: Oh, 2024 is going to be an awful year!_

**  
And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: Hello? Anyone there? Anyone?_

**On the seventh day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Seven stuck up blondes,**

_Rosalie: I'm so much better than you. *flips hair*_

**  
Six southern emos,**

_Jasper: I'm depressed y'all._

**  
Five engagement rings!**

_Bella: TAKE IT OFF! I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE! AUUUUUUGGGGGGHH!_

**  
Four vampire hybrids,**

_Reneesme: I'm not eating human food. If you try to force feed it to me, I WILL kill you._

**  
Three dead bears,**

_Emmett: My life is awful…_

**  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: Newsflash, guys! The world ISN'T ending in 2012!_

**  
And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: I feel all… lonely._

_Edward: *throws rock* How 'bout now, dog?_

_Jacob: WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME SO!?_

**On the eighth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Eight vans a-crashing,**

_Bella: Tyler, you really need to stop driving vans on icy days._

**  
Seven stuck up blondes,**

_Rosalie: I'm pretty sure your self esteem just died._

**  
Six southern emos,**

_Jasper: I'm depressed y'all._

_Bella: *whispering* Does he ever stop?_

_Edward: *whispering* I don't think so…_

**  
Five engagement rings!**

_Bella: THE PAAAAAIIIIIINNNN!_

**  
Four vampire hybrids,**

_Reneesme: ALICE! LEMME GO! OW, OW, OW!_

_Alice: In your dreams, kiddo._

**  
Three dead bears,**

_Emmett: * dry sobbing*_

**  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: Oh, Emmett, you did not do that tomorrow._

**  
And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: Stay calm, Jake, stay calm. If you phase, you'll break the tree, and possibly every bone in your body…_

**On the ninth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Nine demented children,**

_Jane: MY PAIN IS YOURS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

**  
Eight vans a-crashing,**

_Tyler: I swear, I need to get my brakes fixed! *crashes into Walmart*_

**  
Seven stuck up blondes,**

_Rosalie: Am I extremely beautiful? Or is it just me?_

**  
Six southern emos,**

_Jasper: I'm depressed y'all._

_Leah: Okay, just shut up, please! That line got old around the third time you used it!_

**  
Five engagement rings!**

_Edward: My precious!_

_Bella: O.o_

**  
Four vampire hybrids,**

_Reneesme: Guitar Hero, werewolves, life is good!_

**  
Three dead bears,**

_Bella: Is… is Em okay?_

_Alice: I don't think so…_

**  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: Seth, watch out for field mice tomorrow._

_Seth: Why?_

_Alice: Just do it. Trust me._

**  
And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: LEAH! I'm saved! Hey L- OUCH!_

_Leah: Asshole…_

**On the tenth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Ten giddy Volturi,**

_Aro: HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!_

_Alec: M-master?_

**  
Nine demented children,**

_Jane: YOU ALL WILL DIE FOR MY SINS!_

_Tourists: That makes no sense at all…_

**  
Eight vans a-crashing,**

_Van Radio: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!_

_Tyler: I… I think I'm switching to Geico after I get out of this one._

_Bella: WHY AM I ALWAYS INBETWEEN THE VAN AND THE OBJECT IT'S CRASHING INTO!?_

**  
Seven stuck up blondes,**

_Rosalie: You should die because you look so awful!_

**  
Six southern emos,**

_Jasper: I'm depre-_

_Carlisle: DON'T SAY IT!_

_Jasper: -ssed y'all._

_Carlisle: Augh…_

**  
Five engagement rings!**

_Bella: KILL IT! GET IT OFF ME! EEK!_

**  
Four vampire hybrids,**

_Reneesme: *is asleep*_

_Jacob: *is trying to look through her window without falling out of the fifty foot pine tree he's in*_

**  
Three dead bears,**

_Emmett: I don't deserve to be alive… UGH!_

_Esme: God, Emmett. Don't pull a Jasper on us…_

**  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: I hate werewolves…_

**  
And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Edward: *throws rock*_

_Jacob: OOF! *growling* If this thing wasn't fifty feet tall I would be down there kicking your ass, Ed-weird!_

**  
On the eleventh day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Eleven sparkling doctors,**

_Carlisle: This won't hurt a bit…_

_Female Patient: *giggles* I'm sure it won't!_

**  
Ten giddy Volturi,**

_Aro: HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!_

_Caius: Is it just me, or has he gone insane?_

_Marcus: *silent*_

_Caius: *glares* You're no help at all…_

**  
Nine demented children,**

_Jane: Now that I've gained control of Russia and Germany, I'll need to get France in my hands, not to mention Great Britian…_

**  
Eight vans a-crashing,**

_Tyler: Now, let's see if I can start this thing without crashing…_

_Bella: *walking by with Reneesme*_

_Van: *speeds backwards and pins Bella between itself and the mailbox*_

_Bella: CURSE YOU, VAN!_

**  
Seven stuck up blondes,**

_Lauren: I'm better than you!_

_Rosalie: I sparkle. *stands in sunlight* Do you?_

_Lauren: *silent* O.O_

_Rosalie: I didn't think so._

**  
Six southern emos,**

_Carlisle: *duct tapes Jasper's mouth shut* There._

_Jasper: Mf mffumph mfff._

**  
Five engagement rings,**

_Bella: The horror…_

**  
Four vampire hybrids,**

_Reneesme: *has arranged a posse of people who hate Jacob and is throwing rocks at him*_

_Jacob: *whimpers*_

**  
Three dead bears,**

_Esme: Er.. Emmett?_

_Emmett: *lifeless*_

**  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: The stock market's in for one wild ride in 3091…_

**  
And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: Let me down! Please! Please?_

**On the twelfth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me…  
Twelve girls a-gossiping,**

_Jessica: I heard the Seth and Alice are *whisper whisper*!_

_Random Girl: O.O NO WAY!_

_Jessica: Yes way. And then there's *whisper whisper*!_

_Random Girl: Uh-uh. No freaking way._

_Jessica: I haven't told you about *whisper whisper* yet!_

**  
Eleven sparkling doctors,**

_Female Patient: It seems I've died and gone to heaven…_

_Carlisle: Er… *steps out of sunlight*_

**  
Ten giddy Volturi,**

_Aro: !_

_The Rest of the Volturi: O.O_

**  
Nine demented children,**

_Jane: Alright, China, here I come!_

**  
Eight vans a-crashing,**

_Tyler: Slowly… slowly…_

_Van: *speeds up unnaturally and crashes into Bella*_

_Bella: **** YOU, TYLER! **** YOU!_

**  
Seven stuck up blondes,**

_Rosalie: Do you think I'm better than you?_

_Bella: Er…_

_Rosalie: Don't answer that. I know you do._

**  
Six southern emos,**

_Jasper: *rips off duct tape* I'm depressed y'all._

_Carlisle: *facepalm* _

**  
Five engagement rings!**

_Bella: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! KILL ME NOW! KILL. ME. NOW._

**  
Four vampire hybrids,**

_Reneesme: FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!_

**  
Three dead bears,**

_Esme: Emmett?_

_Emmett: *half alive* Yeah?_

_Esme: I un-cancelled your credit cards._

_Emmett: *gives Esme a huge bear hug* YAY! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!_

_Esme: Y-you're welcome!_

_Emmett: *runs off to the nearest Best Buy*_

**  
Two psychic pixies,**

_Alice: I have foreseen the end of this song!_

**  
And a werewolf in a pine tree!**

_Jacob: YES! IT'S OVER! FREEDOM! *looks down* Guys? Get me down now! Okay? What? Wh- OWWWWWWWWWW!_

_Edward: BB guns make all the difference! XD_

**Edward is so cruel! XD Alice is… annoying… Whatever. JUST CLICK THE BUTTON BELOW TO REVIEW! DO IT! OR I'LL SEND JANE TO CONQUER THE COUNTRY YOU LIVE IN!**


End file.
